Comments on: Anne Roiphe on Life After Love

By: John Brodsky

John Brodsky — Fri, 01 May 2009 03:39:07 +0000

Hi Anne- I just read your “1184 Park Avenue.” As a 72 year old ex New Yorker who was on a high school field trip to Sarah Lawrence when you were a student there, I can “relate”. I lost my wife of 28 years to colon cancer in 1986. At the time, my older daughter’s were already on their own and my son was about to graduate high school. I filled the empty nest with a newly divorced friend and his (co-parented) young sons. Four years later I was married again and now have two delightful Asian adoptees; ages 7 and 9. I believe my resilience to be commonplace; but yours (from what I take from your memoir, “1184 Park Ave”) is truly stunning!
John

By: Libby Wein

Libby Wein — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:13:16 +0000

I lost my husband of 48 years 3 yearss ago suddenly. What was left was an ever greater apprecition for him , 2 terrific children and 4 terrific grandchildren. What was also lost was my financial security, home, relationship with extended family . Somehow I am still hebecause I have discovered resilience, love of family , living the life of high integrity as did my husbans has seen me through, Libby Wein, 4/19/09. I loved the book.

By: Teresa Buczek

Teresa Buczek — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 05:58:15 +0000

widowhood dos not deal with replacement or contentmenti ios a person losing a person we love. It is very difficult

By: Teresa Buczek

Teresa Buczek — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:54:57 +0000

I couldn’t stop reading yet I didn’t want the book to end. Widowed at 40, remarried at 42, I still miss my husband, even, today. You wrote a story about the end of Anne and Herman, now, tell us about the beginning of your 39 years, together. Thank you.

By: wilma felder

wilma felder — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:19:07 +0000

I just finished Epilogue and appreciated how “On Point” it was with my experience. I have been widowed twice, once at 51 and remarried at 56. I could not believe how lucky I was to have met my new husband, and could not believe I could be a widow again at 68. I have dealt with the ambivalence of reconnecting. I enjoy the company of men, but do not want to remarry or even live with someone. I’m OK with a wonderful full life. However, I’ve gone through cyberspace dating. To my amazement, Anne Roiphe and I met the same man, C, and had some of the same issues. She made him very identifiable. If it was coincidence, there is a real man that fits the exact discription from Park Slope. Small world and 6 degrees of separation.

By: Carmel Pope

Carmel Pope — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:07:15 +0000

I too enjoyed the book enormously. But I wonder if the writer has thought of doing volunteer work to help her find some contentment. It would seem she is comfortably off financially and it has contributed a lot to my life as a widow. Carmel Pope

By: Rowan Wymark

Rowan Wymark — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:54:45 +0000

I am unspeakably grateful to Anne Roiphe for Epilogue. Widowhood is awful, horrible, painful and nasty, but, as I am slowly learning, life does go on and the sun continues to rise, babies are born, rivers flow and life goes on. Like the “pussycat” I too one day will learn to dance alone by the light of the moon, the moon and ance by the light of the moon.

By: My Father | legacy daily

My Father | legacy daily — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:46:06 +0000

[...] found the keys in the car. He’s also more forgiving toward people. Today on NPR I heard Anne Roiphe on Life After Love which explained some of what he’s been going through. It must be really difficult for [...]

By: Stanley Cheren, M.D.

Stanley Cheren, M.D. — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:20:03 +0000

I have two intersecting lines with Mrs. Roiphe. Our daughters were classmates at Harvard and I am a psychiatrist. I thought her interview was brilliant. It is a privilege to hear such articulate and intelligent conversation about loss. Honesty, clarity, and courage are qualities that the bereaved person needs to weather what life holds for people who live long lives. Brava.

By: “Epilogue” by Anne Roiphe

“Epilogue” by Anne Roiphe — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 04:28:25 +0000

[...] has a podcast interview with Roiphe about her book and I think the comments on the site are just as [...]

By: Legacy Daily » Blog Archive » My Father

Legacy Daily » Blog Archive » My Father — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 02:14:00 +0000

By: jane sullivan

jane sullivan — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:46:18 +0000

My experience of listening to Anne Roiphe’s experience took on a much different one than most of your guests, i would imagine. I feel empathy for her and everyone who lost a spouse in any way. My perspective is from an entire different direction. I need to say that my life is fullfilled as best as I have tried to fill it. As I was listening to Roiphe speak about how she coped with losing her husband I just realized I have spent much of my life alone. I go to the grocery store, alone. I eat alone at a restaurant. I go see my married couple friends for supper. I go alone to the movies. The thing is that I don’t know how to do anything but rely on myself. That’s great, but how do I at 36 learn how to be in a longterm sexual relationship with a man? I’ve had relatioships but they don’t last. How do I let go of having to do it all myself and let someone else help me? How do I get used to having the same man in my bed for years and years? How do I get used to something so foreign to me? I keep on practicing.
I am glad I was listening yesterday on my way to pick up laundry detergent for myself. I feel as though I learned a great deal about myself yesterday.

By: Sam Gale Rosen

Sam Gale Rosen — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:05:11 +0000

Hi John, glad you liked the show. The other guest was Professor Brian de Vries; his info is up on the site now.

By: John Drawdy

John Drawdy — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 02:13:41 +0000

It is interesting to me to realize that many of the experiences discussed in the program are not gender specific. I lost my wife of 41 years in July and am experiencing much of the same feelings expressed by the women who called into the program.
I would like to know if anyone has more info on the professor who also contributed to the program. I did not get his name but believe he is from San Francisco State University. The concept of multiple griefs is one thing I’ve felt.
Thanks for a wonderful program.

By: Cristina Perazzo

Cristina Perazzo — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 01:14:16 +0000

I lost my husband at the age of 40 and our daughters were 14 and 8 years old. We were, at the time at the pinnacle of the immigrants dream, we accomplished the “American Dream.”
And then he died of a sudden massive heart attack, although looking back, it wasn’t so sudden because he had the tell-tell symptoms of heart disease, he chose not to do anything about it.
I was left with two young daughters, a mortgage I couldn’t afford on my income, two car loans, his photography business,…a nightmare!!!!

I cried every day for the first six month on my way to and from work, I talked to him, told him work news and dealt with my daughters grief.

Then I got mad at him, really mad at him. Twenty years later I prefer not to talk about him because it brings up my anger and I don’t want to remember him this way.

By: Kathy Dardeck

Kathy Dardeck — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 01:13:31 +0000

First, I want to thank Anne Roiphe for writing an equisitely sensitive and intelligent book that I read many years ago called “Generation Without Memory”. It helped me to find words to describe my own search on a similar journey at that time. How ironic that I should learn of her new book “Epilogue” while listening to NPR on my way home from work this evening. I lost my partner suddenly and unexpectedly when he had a heart attack at the age of 54 ten years ago. I appreciated Anne Roiphe’s comment that it is like being in a new landscape that you get used to…Exactly! I look forward to reading her book “Epilogue” and thank her for being such a wonderfully thoughtful,honest writer all these years!

By: liz Yount

liz Yount — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:56:35 +0000

I lost my husband almost 11 years ago. He died of a sudden heart attack on our 25th anniversary vacation in Mexico, at the top of a temple in the Mayan ruins. He was 49, and I was 47. Although I had two daughters, I did not want to go on, didn’t think I could bear it. It took about 5 years to feel like a person again, and I now lead a full life with much joy. I couldn’t have done it without my widow friends. I was “lucky” to meet other young widows and over the years we have been there for each other. We share a bond that is so special. We have fun together, we cry together when we need to, and we have gained wisdom and compassion along the way. It does get better…We read many books on grief. I plan to read this one, too. Helping other widows get through it is good medicine.

By: Jim Brand

Jim Brand — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:06:43 +0000

I suffered a major loss 14 years ago and it changed my life dramatically forever. I still have not ‘gotten over’ it but have learned to live with the reality I am left with – which isn’t half bad. Listening to this program has caused me to recall many aspects of the entire experience. I was reminded of a poem that meant a lot to me when I ran across it many years ago. It’s called The Cure by Albert Huffstickler. Here it is:

We think we get over things.
We don’t get over things.
Or say, we get over the measles
but not a broken heart.
We need to make that distinction.
That things that become part of our experience
never become less a part of our experience.
How can I say it?
The way to ‘get over’ a life is to die.
Short of that, you move with it,
let the pain be pain,
not in the hope that it will vanish
but in the faith that it will fit in,
find its place in the shape of things
and be then not any less pain but true to form.
Because anything natural has an inherent shape
and will flow towards it.
And a life is as natural as a leaf.
That’s what we’re looking for:
not the end of a thing but the shape of it.
Wisdom is seeing the shape of your life
without obliterating (getting over) a single
instant of it.

By: Mr. Laurens A. Blankers

Mr. Laurens A. Blankers — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:01:49 +0000

Men also loose spouses, and find much to adjust to. I know many men who are now widowers. I have known some widowers who again found a spouse, often a lonely widow.
At present I have a house alone. We had no children. Family lives far away. But I have many friends who I see at least weekly, at church, churches [I work for one, I'm a member at another.] I participate in bands, choruses, orchestras, ensembles, and so I find fellow spirits many of whom also have survived a marriage.

By: Will C. van den Hoonaard

Will C. van den Hoonaard — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:32:22 +0000

Reading these comments made me realize how timely my wife’s, Deborah K. van den Hoonaard, book is: “The Widowed Self: The Older Woman’s Journey Through Widowhood” (Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 2001), an in-depth study of women over the age of 55. She was surprised and elated to discover that many women created new lives, often in unanticipated directions.