I am surprised that “On Point” decided to take my comments (in reference to retirement) off their site yesterday. All I was trying to say was that the population is to large for the world to sustain, and to provide for all the ammenities of modern life, given all the complications of the same.

The situation with the Nebraska law is in the same vain. Too many people are having kids that they are not ready to care for and can not afford. The corporation, the employer, can not, in this global market, provide a living wage let alone health care for the average worker. Thus at each step the government has to step in, food stamps, medicaid are steps towards socialism.

If you listen to the right wing commentaries, they want the worker to pay for his or her own retirement and health care while the wages are lowered, the left wants to let everyone do what ever they want to, blow their money, buy garbage, make babies without having any consequences.

Both policies are doomed, or they will doom us all. Is that too much to say out loud?

Can “On Point” handle the truth?

I am listening to this segment with sadness and anger.

In too many ways, I relate closely with the kids being dumped. If it had been legal to do so, my parents surely would have dumped me. In fact, my mother did just that when I was a young teen, but she did it at a “drop-in center” and I was violently raped there, but that’s another story.

I was lucky. I had grandparents. They loved me and understood that my parents (who were young teens when they started breeding) were simply not mature enough to BE parents.

Sadly, my own grown children do not know my mother or my father, both alive, well and materially prosperous people.

My kids have no grandparents. My mother has told me, “I don’t know your daughter, why should I care about her?”. This is typical of the American attitude in the 21st century it appears.

What happened to American grandparents? Why don’t they act like they care anymore? Do they still care or are they too busy working to give a damn about their teenage grandchildren?

These are questions that need answers.

I’m hoping to hear some on this program.

I’m curious to know if the attention and funding toward so-called “faith-based initiatives” over the conventional state social services (which I think have gone into decline over the past two administrations) can be cited as a reason for problems such as these.

Hello,

Tuned in late – but hope that you have addressed the fact that this problem with teens is inextricably linked to the failure of existing mechanisms for addressing such situations, namely the “persons in need of services” process in MA or the “children in need of services” process in NY. As a former forensic social worker in both states, these processes are not working effectively. This must be a part of the conversations.

Thank you for raising this important situation,

Elspeth Slayter, PhD
Assistant Professor, School of Social Work
Salem State College

Remind the gentleman that if he spanks or “puts his foot in his kids’ butt” he will go to jail. There is no help out there for parents.

Off point question – is there research underway to detach an embryo or fetus from an unwilling mother, then reattach that embryo or fetus into a woman who has unsuccessfully tried to get pregnant on her own?

It’s really good to focus attention on special needs and mentally ill children and the challenges of raising them, but I also wonder about the support available for special needs and mentally ill parents. Many mentally ill kids have parents with similar disorders. Some of these parents can be great parents when they’re doing well, but have a much harder time when they’re not. What can these parents do?

The man who dropped off nine kids — his wife unexpectedly died. He had no help, the state would not allow his family to take the kids either because of the number of bedrooms. This man could not work with that many small kids at home. He had no resources, and his whole family knew she died. Do not judge this man, we have no idea how difficult his life has been trying to raise 9 kids for a year alone. Parents get jailed for spanking, then the kids are out of control. There is no balance.

We the listeners don’t know the particulars of each case in which older children and teens were abandoned. Therefore, let’s give all parties the benefit of the doubt. Many “good” parents can remember times when, in our anger at our child, we said things like, “If you don’t want to live under my rules, then maybe you’d better find somewhere else to live.”

When a parent doesn’t know what to do, it’s only a few steps beyond saying/feeling that to bundling a child into the car and dumping him off; certainly better to give your child over to the state than to beat it to death.

I vote for the speaker who said we need a public education campaign on the development of the adolescent brain. I wish I knew when my kids were small what I’ve learned since about brain development. To a large extent, it’s about education and consciousness-raising, and providing more help to parents in crisis, without penalizing them.

Pardon the tangent, but this is another reason to be open and honest with your children about sex, unwanted pregnancies, birth control and abortion.

There is certainly a coincidence between this phenomena and non-verbal learning disabilities, ADD ADHD and the nature/nurture story that comes with these cognitive differences.

In the world of verbal LD (dyslexia) we have a term for some problem parents: “dys-parentia.”

I’ve been working in mental health for many years and see this law as a potential disaster burden for both the mental health industry and the already overloaded foster care industry. The lawmakers of Nebraska are saying they have given up on exploring more resources or devoting more energy to existing resources available to families in crisis.

Thus, forcing the existing mental health institutions and organizations to deal with these kids. It’s unfortunate because many of the organizations that help these families and kids are already underfunded and struggling to find qualified staff.

One thing I’m curious about is that nothing has been mentioned about the reasons this law made it through. What is the other side of this? What was the reasoning behind making this law? I would be surprised and very disappointed to learn that lawmakers, presumably people with families themselves, would allow a law to pass unless without any reason.

Resources resources resources…

I believe the problem has to do with the erosion of the nuclear family, driven by a corrupt corporatocracy, which puts profit first and thereby guts the average person’s ability to provide for a family. If you have stability in your life today, you are in the minority.

p.s. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912

This is an important topic that touches on emotional and mental health issues, poverty, lack of “community” or “familial” support, and general moral deficits we face in this modern, “free” world. If good parents and upright adults commanded the respect that they deserve,they would have more leverage on the young people in their charge and communities.

As someone raised in a culture that values the extended family, this abandonment phenomenon is very disheartening. Children born with HIV/AIDS in the poorest countries in the world are not abandoned. often, these children are born to ailing parents, who, themselves are on the verge of death and starvation, and are thus being cared for by family and relatives.

Maybe it is time we went back to villages raising children – shared responsibility!

Miranda, you raise some good points. I grew up in a country where family and co-operation is given a higher priority than it is given here in the US society. While giving more importance to family and mutual co-operation is not a silver bullet, and neither is it perfect, there is something to be said about striking a balance between individualism and family.

In my experience and observation, the balance has/is tilted more towards individualism here in the US (or maybe it was always that way), and some of the problems we see in the society can be attributed in part to excessive focus on individualism, a fetish on doing-it-all-alone and personal “freedom.” IMHO.

Everyone has good points. The situation provides evidence of a deep systemic problem. One critical component that hasn’t been brought up either on the broadcast or on this blog is the school system.

I cannot imagine that the difficulties that the parents apparently experienced weren’t also present in the schools. If they were, as I suspect, the educational system is mandated to provide services either through the IDEA or ADA. Though services are ostensibly targeted toward schools problems, they can encompass the home environment. These services are suppose to be comprehensive (e.g., everything from tutoring to mental health). Though these services are supposed to be available, they are sometimes not presented to parents as resources.

As someone who has lived in Omaha for over 20 years, as well as cared for my sister who is mentally ill and mentally handicapped, I can assure you all that mental health services in the state of Nebraska are atrocious. Nebraska ranks 49th in state money allocated for mental health services. My sister was waiting for at least 10 years to receive residential and day services from the state.

A few years ago the governor closed 3 of the regional mental hospitals located throughout the state. There were close to 500-700 beds available for residents of the state of Nebraska who needed long-term mental health services (including substance abuse). After closing three, he has left one 200 bed mental health treatment facility for the entire state. The state tried to justify closing these centers by saying they were working more toward a community-based (and cost-effective) model of treating patients. However, it is irresponsible to assume less than 200 people in the entire state will require such services. There are not enough psychiatrists and psychologists to be able to handle the amount of people seeking services in this “community-based” model. Such a shortage of specialists is especially disconcerting when many of these patients’ situations are critical and often involve the safety of someone’s life.

The state has essentially revoked services which should be available to a vulnerable population who cannot even advocate for themselves. The lawmakers are completely out of touch with what the needs are of people who cannot access these protective services.

I really enjoyed listening to the show today. My views are mixed, I was a social worker and worked with troubled teens.
Time magazine just did an article on this for those who are interested.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1859951,00.html

I am very disappointed that Tom cut off the woman from Ecuador as she was making the absolutely critical point that there are very few mental health resources available for Latinos. My graduate school (clinical psychology) is one of the few in the nation that offers a special training program for psychologists who would like to work with multicultural clients. This training is desperately needed…a need that will only continue to grow as the Latino population in the United States booms. Couple the current lack of adequate mental health training for those working with this population and the overall lack of resources and you can see how desperate the situation can be for this population especially!

This unfortunate occurrence could prove a terrific opportunity for the State of Nebraska. That state should exploit this wonderful source of cheap labor and use it to make Nebraska more attractive to business.

Under a well-managed system, young associates could be excused from school, and given education credits for time worked. Small monetary allowances could be allotted, with the chance to compete for occasional vacation days and sick time. This would be a great way to teach young associates a work ethic, while cutting bloated education budgets. What better way to put an ailing economy back on track?

What I wouldn’t give to have a few young urchins around the offices of my firm, First World Securities. Sign me up!

It is not a supprise at all to me that parents would abandon teenagers.
Rather than focus on discussing public awareness and debateing whether we should forgive the parents, how about we work on giving teens a way forward. Giving 14-18 olds options for trade school or apprenticeships would put them on a road to self sufficiency and self worth. Focusing on mental illness, placeing blame, and forceing these teens to stay children will not work. Many, who are already more mature than most of us, whoud benefit more from a way to take care of them selves than from being placed in a welfare system designed for children.

Why are age limits the issue? If 34 babies had been abandoned, the law would be considered a success? The fact is that the state doesn’t know what to do with teens any more than their parents. That is the story here. If we had early identification systems and if families had easy access to services early on, there wouldn’t be many troubled teens. But since there are, our states should be caring for them with the same urgency that infants get. Instead, teens in Nebraska will again be left to the dumpsters. Will they survive longer than an infant would? Most of them will, sure. But their physical capability to survive a horrific, traumatic existence full of misery, violence and exploitation should not be an excuse for the state to abdicate responsibility for these children.

Unexpected consequences. Hmph!

You would think that legislators would speak to people in the social service field before writing legislation like this. I am brand new to the field, and I could have predicted that parents would drop off their kids for a variety of reasons.

Besides that though, I have several comments.

1. Parents do not go to jail or get their kids taken away for light spanking. To be sent to jail, have your kids taken away, or even to be indicated for child abuse, there have to be marks on the child. This means that the “spanking” is usually more like a beating.

2. There are services available to help these families. However, the services are far and few between in some areas, and the funding for the services are constantly being cut. With budget cuts and salary cuts, there are not enough workers, and it is harder to keep a reliable workforce. If we funded agencies adequately, we would be able to provide consistent (and better!)treatment to both the parents and the children. Are we going to invest in families or not? Do we care about them enough to truly help or just enough to keep their heads above water? Do we care enough to help pay for the treatment? America needs to decide.

3. You can help too! Don’t just wait on the social workers, psychologists, and other people to step in. We cannot do it alone (especially when our budgets are changed constantly). You do something. Donate your time, money, or things to a local charity. Volunteer as a big brother or sister. Just do something.

Family friends have two children–the son developed schizophrenia as a teen and became so violent and dangerous that his mother was afraid to be home alone with him, and he could never be left alone with his younger sibling. The son really needed to be in a residential program, but the family couldn’t afford it, and there was no help from the state. Eventually, the mother became very ill, had to quit working, and because of this the boy became eligible for a residential program. He seems to be doing better in that situation, and the rest of the family has a new lease on life because one of them is terminally ill.

This story is an nightmare, and it’s something that could happen to anyone who has children (the rate of schizophrenia is about 1.1% of the population). This is not a family that blew off dealing with the situation or looking for help–they are hardworking, ultra-responsible, and smart–both parents college-educated and worked all their adult lives.

Meanwhile, the US spends more on the military than the rest of the world combined. Something is seriously wrong with our society.

This is surely an important and complicated issue. Raising a teenager is tough and emotional draining enough by itself. Raising a teenager with mental illness, is taking the challenge to a whole different level. Mental illness is a taboo in our society. It is very hard to find help out there because no one likes to talk or share about it. Mental illness is also not easy to diagnose correctly. Treatment for it and science of the brain still have a lot to be desired. One important resource out there which is nation wide is NAMI—National Alliance On Mental Illness (Their web site: http://www.nami.org). It has a Family to Family course which is free, taught by volunteers. During the course, I learned that kids with bipolar can have violent behavior and sometimes threaten their own and their parents’ lives.

There are resources out there such as NAMI and Dept. of Mental Health, and others, but one needs to put a lot of effort tin searching for it. Plus there could be months for the application process for some of the services. It takes a village to raise a child. People should not have too many children when they can’t provide for their kids financially and emotionally. Dropping off troubled teenagers in a facility that is not set up to serve them is not only irresponsible, and it’s also unwise.

I am very sad to hear about the 34 teenagers being abandoned by their parents in Nebraska and read about Mari’s story here. Life is suffering enough for everyone. It will be unbearable to be brought into this world by parents who are incapable of love …

It is not the kids. They have no choice. It’s the parents.

They are not all “mentally ill”, nor are they all poor. They are spoiled, unhappy and loveless adults adrift in a pointless search for the perfect “lifestyle”. In a word, consumer bred American. We do not teach love in school. My grandparents taught me that in deeds done. We now teach money, only. Nobody over the age of 55 can ever get enough of that.

Nebraska is known as the Heartland of America. If this is what we are doing in Nebraska, lord help us all.

Thanks Tom,
Mari

“People should not have too many children when they can’t provide for their kids financially and emotionally.”

I heartily agree with this, but it would not have solved my friends’ situation (with a schizophrenic son). They had just two children. They had a very solid income and both parents are professionals with well-established careers. One is a medical professional. Both kids are adopted, so the parents were well-versed in dealing with social service type bureaucracy, and I’m sure they left no stone unturned in seeking help.

Bad things do happen to good people. We need to accept and understand this- difficult because it means acknowledging that something terrible could happen to oneself-and devote some national resources to helping families in this tragic situation.

I am truly sorry about situation of Julie’s friend. I have come to know and admire many of these loving, adoption parents in my NAMI class whose adopted children turned out to have mental illnesses. In groups such as NAMI, parents get to share with others what resources are out there and what legal rights and services are available for people with mental illness.

I learn that when a kid turns 18, he is considered independent, and financially separate from the parents. If he (or she) can’t hold a job and become independent, he can apply for SSI and for state run residential program. Some could use the income to pay for rent or live at home if he and his parents don’t have safety issues. As far as I know, the residential places are usually for people with more serious mental illnesses or behavioral issues. Plus many mental ill patients often have drug or alcohol addictions due to ’self-medication’.

If someone can qualify for Social Security Supplemental Income, then he is also qualified for Medicaid which provides pretty good coverage for mental ill treatments.

Yes, life isn’t fair and bad things happen to good people all the time. We got to deal with what we have, and advocate for the needy when we can.

I have a teenage son who was diagnosed with major depression last year, and he is turning 18 soon. I worried if he could hold a job and be self sufficient. I learned that depression is not as serious as bipolar and schizophrenia, and it is often recoverable. We were extremely lucky and grateful to get the proper help and treatment for him and he is stable now and doing well in a therapeutic day school.

With proper treatment, people with schizophrenia and bipolar can get better too and become functional adults. We have guest speakers who suffer from these metal illnesses come to our NAMI classes from time to time to show us how much they overcome.

Best of luck to your friend’s son, and other struggling parents out there. Don’t give up.

And yes, Mari, I know not all abandoned children have mental illness. There are both good and bad parents out there. Very sorry about yours. Life is not fair. It is good that against all odds, you turned out well. You no longer need love from your parents. The best love and strength come within ourselves. May God bless you and your children.