Who needs sex when we have “youporn.” It’s sex with a click of the mouse. It’s mousy sex.

Thank Goodness!

Something to be joyful about with all the depressing news out there.

Now all I have to do is find a partner for all the joy!

Nick

I have found that there is a generational divide in frank discussions about sex, between those of us who became active after the 1970s and those who had been around for the “sexual revolution” in the 60s.

The people I know- who are now 60 and over- cringe and get angry when honest comments about sexuality are made. It shuts down the opportunity for open dialogue very rapidly. They seem to have an instant repulsion, expressed in the form of anger, at the indignity of being brought into discussion of something they believe to be a “private” realm. I assume that they still view sex as “dirty” or something.

However, these same folks are big consumers of pornography, often preferring “teen porn”, which I consider to be a form of exploitation of the very young and naive.

It still remains true- across the generations- that most males don’t stay with one female long enough to create and truly enrich a mutually satisfying sexual dynamic, together. Ah yes, same old thing, different wrapper.

Hi Tom,

Something that I find disturbing is that this topic of sex had to have a disclaimer at the begining of the show When there have been many shows with bombings and killing and destruction of Gaza, Iraq, Afganistan, etc. Sex is a completely natural act and should be talked about and understood where these acts of violence should have the disclaimer. I would raher answer questions to my 4 year daughter about how she was created then to explain why we are killing each other and our Governments foreign policy.

Excellent topic Mr Ashbrook,These days definetely i think people need to relax and you know maybe those listening to this show will make people go home and try some thing different have sex in the kitchen or in the bathroom get creative enjoy be alive again get off the laptop and light some candles.Makes me want to go and enjoy one of the finer things in life that people alienate these days due to there limited thinking and preconceived notions as well as lack of emotions and prejudices.Very informational session,Tom youre show is the greatest i commend you on your constant excellence.

A few comments: I’m not surprised that Professor Schwartz is encountering so much sexual ignorance in the young college population. These are people who have not been out of their parents’ homes and their roles as children long enough to establish a separate identity. Very few families talk openly about sexuality with a positive or neutral connotation. My parents were fairly open and positive about sex ed, and yet well into my 20s I could not have picked up a copy of ‘The Joy of Sex’ without feeling sneaky or guilty.

We’re probably unusual, but the differences in attitudes between 1970s and now have been demonstrated significantly in my own household. My husband, whose mother gave him “The Talk,” was told that when a man and woman really love each other they go to the church and get married. At the end of the ceremony they kiss and have a baby. For years he thought babies came from kissing women in church! When he had “The Talk” with our 10 year-old son recently, they covered everything from puberty to masturbation to oral sex and intercourse. I have no doubt that “Joy of Sex” is somewhere in my son’s future.

Next up will be my daughter; at age 8 she is already concerned about what size her breasts will be, because she has noticed from her exposure to media that men focus on them. She is already internalizing the messages about women as sex objects, and I think the more factual information she has growing up the more empowered and satisfied she will be in her future relationships with men.

Hi Tom,

Regarding dificulty with speaking to kids about sex: I recommend your listeners read Meg Hicklings book Speaking of Sex: What your child needs to know and when they need to know it. It is an awsome guide to answering those difficult questions your kids ask you.

Thanks,

Rick from Hampton, NH

Driving home in the truck, listening to the show, these three categories of thoughts (among many others): One (which was addressed by other listeners), the multiple perspectives of women, whether it’s from Our Bodies, Ourselves of yore to church-based programs such as UU.

Two, what about the perspective of gays, lesbians, bi’s, trans and any number of others who are on the margins of mainstream society (those with disabilities, polyamory, bi-racial also come to mind)?

Three, a nod to other sex books and resources that take it even further, perhaps even bolder and more imaginatively — and not without fun & humor! — such as “The Guide to Getting It On,” San Fran’s shop Good Vibrations, and through writers such as Susie Bright.

I wanted to express my deepest concern about the “foresome” discussed between a mother and her daughter and their boyfriends. There was nothing but giggling when this came up and it is truly dangerous to send this kind of message regarding sex with your own children. I am pretty liberal minded- but this crossed the line and required clarification.

I would like to point out that it was Ken Starr who taught our children about oral sex on our airwaves by his obsessive questioning of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewenski, making sure he got all of the titillating details of their sex lives on record. Yes, Bill was a bad boy, but if it weren’t for Ken Starr, discussions of oral sex would not have been a part of everyday conversation among our children at an inappropriate age and in an inappropriate manner. There is nothing wrong or shameful with oral sex, but to have had it discussed in such a way has really warped something that beautiful, private and personal. Too bad President Clinton didn’t just take the 5th amendment.

I think joy has been replaced with anxiety. I’m 56 and remember with nostalgia the fun we had pre-AIDS – back in the 70s. The women’s movement was in full swing and no man i knew felt comfortable admitting to enjoying pornography. I can’t imagine how awful it must be for young women today to be compared to what young men see on the internet and to be treated as stand ins for media images.

Another great topic. Thanks for your work.

Unfortunately, I was disappointed and under-whelmed by the one-sided presentation by your guests. They overlooked the big issues and problems that individuals and our culture have with sexuality, the elephant in the room. Several callers seemed to be way ahead of your guests in highlighting problems that are widespread, but glossed over by your guests. I am left with the impression that “Joy of Sex” is a book by and for “sex cheerleaders.” By tapping into the fascination with sex, it will probably do real well.

The elephant in the room is the fact that healthy sexuality is a distinctly different animal from the commercial sexuality that is in our face, and infused throughout our money-centric culture. With the risk of over-simplifying, healthy sexuality can be thought of as sexuality with good feeling for one’s self and one’s partner. In contrast, commercial sexuality promotes an image of sex without feeling: an attitude of cool sophistication that values status, image and power. In short, it is the difference between narcissistic values of the ego/mind, versus the natural and real values of the body.

This mind-body “split” is a widespread problem amongst individuals and throughout our culture. It is responsible not only for sexual dysfunction, but also for societal trashing of our environment in favor of commercial interests; and even the current economic crisis, as the money classes screwed (pun intended) the middle classes.

Lack of sexual gratification, joy, and personal fulfillment is widespread. People seek it, but they will not find it on TV, or in books, malls, or schools. In fact, the divide continues to deepen. The purveyors of commercial sexuality do not want their audiences to achieve fulfillment, it is not good for sales. The stimulating effect of sexuality in movies, magazines, stores, on-line, etc increases, because it needs to overcome the deadening effect on the emotional body responses that ultimately drive consumers.

While all this is certainly beyond the scope of your topic, I am disappointed when sex experts do not recognize healthy sexuality as distinct from the destructive trash that masquerades as the sexual revolution.

Frederic Lowen, President
The Alexander Lowen Foundation, author “Love and Orgasm,” “Joy.”

I listened carefully to your On-Point discussion with the author of The New Joy of Sex as a former (20 years) teacher of a Junior all-boy class on Love, Sex and Marriage in a Catholic private school outside of Boston.
I agree whole-heartedly that ignorance causes more damage than “sin”. Helping my students to grow in understanding all aspects of every issue was my goal. Believing that they should experience everything has never been advisable however.
Failing to relate to others in this life as “persons”, is a failure which I would have my students avoid. Yet understanding what a person is, teaches us that one’s personhood has infinite dimensions. To relate to someone as a thing, can be permanently damaging. To use someone for one’s own pleasure effectively makes that happen.
To relate to someone because that other emotionally, or physically, is a “turn-on”, is narcissistic and follows the laws of diminishing returns, i.e., will not last.
To realize that the other person and you truly “love” each other, means that you are both mature enough and capable of realizing that, as Saint Thomas Aquinas wrote,
“The essence of love consists in this, that the lover will the good of the beloved.
My hope would be that everyone reach that degree of love. Unfortunately for many, (most?), early and often regular experimentation, promiscuity and infidelity promotes the likelihood that Aquinas’ goal is pushed beyond reach.
My suggestion would be that the “Joy” of sex be replaced with the “happiness” of love, with or without expression sexually. As an old Chinese philosopher put it, “You never achieve happiness until you stop seeking it.”[Chuang Tzu]