Unfortunately, I was disappointed and under-whelmed by the one-sided presentation by your guests. They overlooked the big issues and problems that individuals and our culture have with sexuality, the elephant in the room. Several callers seemed to be way ahead of your guests in highlighting problems that are widespread, but glossed over by your guests. I am left with the impression that “Joy of Sex” is a book by and for “sex cheerleaders.” By tapping into the fascination with sex, it will probably do real well.

The elephant in the room is the fact that healthy sexuality is a distinctly different animal from the commercial sexuality that is in our face, and infused throughout our money-centric culture. With the risk of over-simplifying, healthy sexuality can be thought of as sexuality with good feeling for one’s self and one’s partner. In contrast, commercial sexuality promotes an image of sex without feeling: an attitude of cool sophistication that values status, image and power. In short, it is the difference between narcissistic values of the ego/mind, versus the natural and real values of the body.

This mind-body “split” is a widespread problem amongst individuals and throughout our culture. It is responsible not only for sexual dysfunction, but also for societal trashing of our environment in favor of commercial interests; and even the current economic crisis, as the money classes screwed (pun intended) the middle classes.

Lack of sexual gratification, joy, and personal fulfillment is widespread. People seek it, but they will not find it on TV, or in books, malls, or schools. In fact, the divide continues to deepen. The purveyors of commercial sexuality do not want their audiences to achieve fulfillment, it is not good for sales. The stimulating effect of sexuality in movies, magazines, stores, on-line, etc increases, because it needs to overcome the deadening effect on the emotional body responses that ultimately drive consumers.

While all this is certainly beyond the scope of your topic, I am disappointed when sex experts do not recognize healthy sexuality as distinct from the destructive trash that masquerades as the sexual revolution.

Frederic Lowen, President
The Alexander Lowen Foundation, author “Love and Orgasm,” “Joy.”

Two, what about the perspective of gays, lesbians, bi’s, trans and any number of others who are on the margins of mainstream society (those with disabilities, polyamory, bi-racial also come to mind)?

Three, a nod to other sex books and resources that take it even further, perhaps even bolder and more imaginatively — and not without fun & humor! — such as “The Guide to Getting It On,” San Fran’s shop Good Vibrations, and through writers such as Susie Bright.

Regarding dificulty with speaking to kids about sex: I recommend your listeners read Meg Hicklings book Speaking of Sex: What your child needs to know and when they need to know it. It is an awsome guide to answering those difficult questions your kids ask you.

Thanks,

Rick from Hampton, NH

We’re probably unusual, but the differences in attitudes between 1970s and now have been demonstrated significantly in my own household. My husband, whose mother gave him “The Talk,” was told that when a man and woman really love each other they go to the church and get married. At the end of the ceremony they kiss and have a baby. For years he thought babies came from kissing women in church! When he had “The Talk” with our 10 year-old son recently, they covered everything from puberty to masturbation to oral sex and intercourse. I have no doubt that “Joy of Sex” is somewhere in my son’s future.

Next up will be my daughter; at age 8 she is already concerned about what size her breasts will be, because she has noticed from her exposure to media that men focus on them. She is already internalizing the messages about women as sex objects, and I think the more factual information she has growing up the more empowered and satisfied she will be in her future relationships with men.

Something that I find disturbing is that this topic of sex had to have a disclaimer at the begining of the show When there have been many shows with bombings and killing and destruction of Gaza, Iraq, Afganistan, etc. Sex is a completely natural act and should be talked about and understood where these acts of violence should have the disclaimer. I would raher answer questions to my 4 year daughter about how she was created then to explain why we are killing each other and our Governments foreign policy.

The people I know- who are now 60 and over- cringe and get angry when honest comments about sexuality are made. It shuts down the opportunity for open dialogue very rapidly. They seem to have an instant repulsion, expressed in the form of anger, at the indignity of being brought into discussion of something they believe to be a “private” realm. I assume that they still view sex as “dirty” or something.

However, these same folks are big consumers of pornography, often preferring “teen porn”, which I consider to be a form of exploitation of the very young and naive.

It still remains true- across the generations- that most males don’t stay with one female long enough to create and truly enrich a mutually satisfying sexual dynamic, together. Ah yes, same old thing, different wrapper.

Something to be joyful about with all the depressing news out there.

Now all I have to do is find a partner for all the joy!

Nick