Gay couples who brought the landmark lawsuit leading to the first legalized gay marriages in the United States posed for a photo during a reunion in Newton, Mass., on Sunday, May, 17, 2009. They celebrated their fifth anniversaries, five years after Massachusetts became the first state to legalize gay marriage. (AP)

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Gay marriage hit a wall in California yesterday. The state’s high court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage ushered in last year by California voters.

But around the country, that wall has been falling. Five years after it first gained a foothold, gay marriage is now legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa. Maine and Vermont will join that group in September. New Hampshire may be right behind.

Opponents are still fighting hard. But thousands of gay marriages are becoming their own reality. This hour, On Point: A new study looks at what gay marriage means for the people in it.

You can join the conversation. Tell us what you think — here on this page, on Twitter, and on Facebook.

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Joining us from Washington, D.C., is Lee Badgett, research director for the Williams Institute at the University of California at Los Angeles, which focuses on law and public policy around sexual orientation, and senior author of its new study “The Effects of Marriage Equality in Massachusetts: A survey of the experiences and impact of marriage on same-sex couples.” She is also director of the Center for Public Policy and Administration at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

Also from Washington we’re joined by Nancy Polikoff, professor of law at American University in Washington and author of “Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Valuing All Families Under the Law.” She blogs at www.beyondstraightandgaymarriage.blogspot.com.

From Fluvanna County, Va., we’re joined by Sam Schulman, formerly publishing director of The American, a journal published by the American Enterprise Institute. His new article in The Weekly Standard is “The Worst Thing About Gay Marriage.”

Supporters of marriage equality demonstrate at Los Angeles City Hall as part of a National Day of Action on Nov. 15, 2008, in response to the passage of Proposition 8, which repeals the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. (AP)

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It is a strange, unsettled moment to be gay in America.

In national politics, an African-American family is headed to the White House, and a civil rights triumph is on parade.

But on the same day Barack Obama was elected president, gay rights were slapped back at the polls in Florida, Arizona, Arkansas and — most of all — California, where gay marriage was banned, rolled back, at the ballot box. Civil rights celebration and stunning sting, all at the same time.

We’re talking today about this moment, with some of those feeling it most acutely.

This hour, On Point: Progress, setback, and this gay moment in America.

You can join the conversation. Listeners, gay listeners, are we headed forward? Or back? What did you make of California’s vote? Florida’s? Arizona’s? Is the gay rights struggle the new — the remaining — civil rights struggle?

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Joining us from London is Bruce Bastian, co-founder and former chairman of WordPerfect Corporation. He serves on the Board of Directors of Human Rights Campaign, the largest gay and lesbian political action committee in the U.S. His philanthropic foundation, the B.W. Bastian Foundation, supports organizations that embrace the principle of equality. He donated $1 million to the effort (unsuccessful) to block California’s Proposition 8. Raised in a conservative Mormon family in Idaho, he is a graduate of Brigham Young University.

Joining us from Northampton, Mass., is Leslea Newman, a poet and author of books for children and adults. She explores themes of contemporary lesbian life, same-sex couples and their children, and growing up Jewish. Among her many books are “Heather Has Two Mommies” (1989), the first children’s book to portray lesbian families in a positive way and “A Letter To Harvey Milk,” which has been adapted for the stage. Her forthcoming children’s books are “Mommy, Mama, and Me” and “Daddy, Papa, and Me.” She and her wife, Mary, have been together since 1988. They were legally married in Massachusetts on Sept. 10, 2004.

And from Los Angeles we’re joined by Jenny Pizer, senior counsel for Lambda Legal, an organization working for the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, and people with HIV/AIDS. She is helping to lead the constitutional challenge in the courts to California’s Prop 8, in an effort to have it overturne. She was married to her wife in California this past October before the passage of Prop 8.

It may be beautiful, but everybody knows marriage isn’t easy.

Who pays the bills? Who works or stays home? Who unloads the dishwasher?

So what about gay marriage? Gay partnerships?

Yesterday, California was ringing with gay wedding bells, on its first full day of legal gay marriage. But gay marriage is not new anymore. Civil unions and long-term gay commitments have been around even longer.

So how does it work, day to day, down in the weeds, when it’s not “his and hers” but “his and his” or “hers and hers”?

This hour, On Point: Gay marriage, and how it actually works.

- Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Esther Rothblum, professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University and co-author of a new study on same-sex couples in Vermont.

Nanette Gartrell, professor of psychiatry at University of California at San Francisco. She has been researching lesbian families for 22 years.

Joe Kort, a practicing psychotherapist who runs gay men’s therapy and sexuality groups. He is author of “10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives.”

For much of the country, it felt like a bolt from the blue. Last week, giant California gave a green light to gay marriage.

California’s high court, in a 4-3 ruling, said civil union rights were not enough. Gay Californians — and those from anywhere else who barrel west to the Golden State — are entitled, said the court, to marriage.

San Francisco celebrated. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger signed on. There are implications for the whole country. Legally. Politically. But the battle’s not over.

This hour, On Point: California’s big move on gay marriage.

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Crystal Carreon, courts reporter for the Sacramento Bee.

Geoff Kors, executive director of Equality California, a gay rights advocacy group.

Brian Brown, executive director for the California chapter of the National Organization for Marriage, which opposes the state’s high court ruling.

Dahlia Lithwick, senior editor and legal analyst at Slate magazine.

Douglas Kmiec, professor of constitutional law at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California. He served as head of the Office of Legal Counsel for Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.