Singers Rihanna and Chris Brown perform at the Z100 Jingle Ball 2008 at Madison Square Garden on Friday, Dec. 12, 2008 in New York. (AP)

Nineteen-year-old pop singer Chris Brown didn’t just give pop singer Rihanna a hard time.

He beat her. In their Lamborghini, the night before the Grammys. Punched, choked and bit her, according to police records. Threatened to kill her. Shoved her head against the window and wailed away until her mouth filled with blood and blood spattered the car.

It’s just one couple in the limelight. But experts say it’s one young couple in a new generation that is seeing not less but more relationship violence.

This hour, On Point: A new generation faces an old cycle of abuse.

You can join the conversation. Why isn’t this problem fading? What would you say to Rihanna — to Chris Brown — if you had the chance? Is their story your story of abuse? Young listeners, what’s going on in your crowd? What keeps this going?

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Sandy Banks, columnist at the Los Angeles Times. Readers responded in droves to her column “Chris Brown and Rihanna: a lesson for teens.” She is also the mother of three daughters—18, 20, and 23—with opinions of their own about the case.

Lisa Hartwick, director of the Center for Violence Prevention and Recovery at the Beth Israel-Deaconess Medical Center.

Candace Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, a national dating abuse helpline.

Among the last taboos in American romance: past loves, and talking about them with current lovers, partners, husbands, wives.

The one who got away, with those gentle eyes and perfect lips? We don’t want to hear about it. That summer fling that changed you when you were seventeen? We’re still afraid to tell.

My guests today say we shouldn’t be. In an era of divorce, multiple marriages, long lives, lost partners and remarriage, we’ve all got romantic history, they say. Whole hearts, real intimacy, they say, require sharing.

Hmmm.

This hour, On Point: If only I could tell you. Old loves and new relationships.

You can join the conversation. Pandora’s box? Or the honest way to intimacy? Are humans built to handle this conversation? Share your thoughts.

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Joining us from Montpelier, Vermont, are Kate Harper and Leon Marasco. They’ve been married for the past thirteen years, and they’re co-authors of the book “If Only I Could Tell You: Where Past Loves and Current Intimacy Meet.” Their website features an excerpt from the book.

And with us in our studio is Patricia Rogers, a psychotherapist in private practice. She’s counseled individuals, couples and families for over 20 years.

Detail from the front cover of "The Marriage Benefit" by Mark O'Connell.

Scary times out there. If you’re married, or headed that way, you may want to hunker down with your honey and ride out the headlines.

Marriage, says my guest today, isn’t just good for the bottom line. It’s good for the soul. And the longer term, the better.

Nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce. But that doesn’t seem to stop us from looking for that perfect someone, that life partner, the one with whom we’ll grow old.

My guest today says despite the challenges that come with sticking it out, the benefits of staying together are huge. Being married gives us purpose and meaning. We become, he says, our best selves.

This hour, On Point: Hanging in. We’re talking about the upside of marriage for the long term.

-Tom Ashbrook

* * *

Guests:

Joining me in the studio is Mark O’Connell. He’s a marriage therapist, a clinical psychologist, an instructor at Harvard Medical School, and author of the new book “The Marriage Benefit: The Surprising Rewards of Staying Together.”

Jack Beatty, On Point news analyst and senior editor at The Atlantic Monthly.

Here’s a conundrum for you: a smaller portion of American households include married couples than ever before — a minority now, says the Census Bureau, just 47 percent. But among Americans who are married, the spouse is being leaned on now — more than ever before — to be everything: lover, confidant, life partner, best friend.

Married Americans report they have fewer close friends and confidants outside their marriage. Many have only their wife or husband to really talk to — openly, honestly, intimately.

Marriage experts say it’s too much to ask of marriage, and may be why some marriages are faltering.

This hour On Point: when the spouse is supposed to be everything, are we asking too much of marriage?

-Jane Clayson

Guests:

Stephanie Coontz, professor of history and family studies at Evergreen State College and author of “Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage.”

Lynn Smith-Lovin, professor of sociology at Duke University and co-author of “Social Isolation in America: Change in Core Discussion Networks Over Two Decades.”

Joshua Coleman, clinical psychologist and author of “The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony.”

In overall earning power, American women still lag behind American men. But among the young and urban, in some of the country’s hottest cities — New York, Chicago, Boston, Minneapolis — young women are actually outstripping young men in take-home pay; some by a wide margin.

It’s those young women who have the cash, the nice place, the hot prospects. And bravo for them. But what about dating the guys they’re leaving behind? Tricky, they say. Young women are now talking about “dating down.”

This hour, On Point: the meeting of the sexes when the woman makes the bucks.

-Tom Ashbrook

Guests:

Alex Williams, style writer for The New York Times.

Dalton Conley, chair of the sociology department at New York University.

Marisa, 29, a single corporate lawyer in Manhattan.

Ifey, 31, partner in a New York law firm.